2026-03-11

I Think, Therefore I RAM

It started as a joke: I think, therefore I RAM. One little sentence, one innocent pun, one harmless attempt to sound profound while procrastinating. By the end of the afternoon I had accidentally developed a metaphysical framework where consciousness is just memory pressure plus denial.

I sat down to write and realized my brain now behaves exactly like a machine under load. I don’t have ideas anymore; I have cache invalidation events. I don’t forget things — I garbage-collect them aggressively, usually five minutes before I need them. My internal monologue has become a rotating stack trace with occasional motivational posters stapled to it.

The best part is that the line keeps getting truer as the day goes on. Thinking used to feel like pondering the universe; now it feels like spinning up one more process and praying the fan noise doesn’t become a legal issue. Descartes gave us certainty. I got 43 open tabs and an overheated laptop.

So yes: I think, therefore I RAM. And if I stop thinking, the whole system probably still runs in the background and bills me monthly for premium features.